I'm Mad...There, I said it

Here's the deal, I seldom show a lot of emotion. Don't get me wrong, I have a smile on my face and I'm usually pretty even keeled. Sometimes I have worried that it's a result of some medications I have been taking. Well, I can now confirm that I am not without emotions entirely. I have them: anger, sadness, frustration. Sadly, it took something big to prove this to me. I have found something that makes me mad. It infuriates me so much that my eyes swell. I sob, I cry, I want to go Chuck Norris on something and hit a wall.

What could cause me to feel these things? Here it is: My mom has cancer. We found out through a routine mammogram that she has it in her left breast.  The crazy thing is that there isn't a lump.  Had we waited for a lump, it would have been too advanced.  Women!  Go get your mammograms!!  So, we have a surgery coming in the near future and post-op treatment on the horizon. 

It's amazing the things you take notice of when going through something like this.  Like the fact that before we hang up my mother says "bye Sweetie."  I'm pretty sure she doesn't do that to telemarketers or other callers.  Or how her hugs feel when you are leaving to go home.  Or going to the fabric store and working on a project and the only person you could imagine helping you with it is your mother. 

I'm mad at cancer.  It's hurt some of the best people I know.  It's taken my mothers reproductive system already and now it's stealing her breasts.  That makes me so mad.  It lurks and makes you feel uneasy because you wonder where we'll find it next.  It sucks joy out of life. 

So Far, So Good

This past weekend my hubby had to witness something very ugly.  You know the Lenten promise I made, yeah, it has some physical ramifications. 

This weekend I went into TJ Maxx, aka. My Drug of Choice.  I needed to buy a foam roller for some sore muscles.  I knew that they had some nice yoga and fitness supplies and a discounted price compared to sports stores.  After much discussion we decided this falls under the necessity line item and not "fun shopping"  My task: walk in, get roller, purchase (most important), then leave.  Simple enough?  Well, I walked into the store.  I could have sworn there were little fairies singing around me.  My nostrils flared, my pupils dilated, my heart physically beat quicker.  I had the shakes.  The clothes had the new-clothes smell, the flesh-colored patent shoes seemed more shiny then usual.  The Bento boxes were discounted and stacked so pretty.  The sunglasses looked a little rosier.  The hair products promised more.  I was a mess.  Sadly, I'm getting excited just typing this update.  After an excruciating 10 minutes of virtual shopping, I found my roller, bought it, and left. 

I'm sick.  I know.  Don't judge.